Have you ever considered that in order to save your marriage you may need to stop talking so much with your spouse? To many people not talking, fighting, and showing all the dramatic emotion goes against the grain of working things out, but for many it can make the difference between a vow renewal ceremony and divorce.
Most couples who are having difficulties turn to a therapist or counselor of some sort, seeking intervention to steer them through to happier times. While this does work for some people, others find themselves filling out divorce papers before they even finish their pre-paid sessions.
Are you wondering how you can end up one of the former, rather than the latter?
The difference is that the couples who are successful with talk therapy eventually realize that it\’s not the talking that saves the marriage! It\’s the process of really hearing what each person has to say and then taking deliberate actions in daily life to fix the problems that ultimately saves the marriage.
The key is listening, not talking. Couples therapists can be a great tool, as long as you use them in the right way. Two people staring bitterly at the floor, breath sucked in tight, waiting for their turn to spill all the dirt and get even with the other person, will likely never work anything out. You have to actually listen to one another.
If you are going to try to talk things out, pay attention to what happens after each session. There will always be some sort of action at every moment of every day, and it\’s the action after a talk session that will ultimately determine your chances of really working things out. If you both storm to opposite corners or have a huge screaming match, chances are low of coming out successful.
The key is to go away from a talk session really having heard what the other person said, valuing their opinions and feelings, and ready to take action to make things better. Most couples do not need to spend long lengths of time in a therapist\’s office or screaming at one another at home. They just need one big honest heart-to-heart and a committed attitude to at least try something every single day afterward to make things better.
Instead of storming out of such a session with anger, you should storm out thinking of ways to make things better. Then take action! It\’s what you ultimately do, not say, that is going to eventually save your marriage or allow it to self-destruct and erode even further.
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